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The Adventures of a Fan Girl
- livejournal of Buffymon
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Ang Lee, 7/24/08: It was great to be nominated. By the way, does “Great to be Nominated” really mean “Should have Won?”

About Mr Heath Ledger: There is some open space between what we know and what we try to believe, but nothing can be done about it, and if you can´t fix it you´ve got to stand it.

 31 years and 9 days

 By Buffymonmon

 For Valentine´s challenge (BBM drabbles). Theme: Secret Crush.

 A "thank you" to Cally for being a terrific beta.





7 year olds




Ennis smiled as the last sheet fell into place above them, but the boy sitting cross-legged next to him looked confused. - Is it an igloo?


- No, it´s a teepee. And we are cowboys.


- With guns and everything?


- Hm...yes. I think so. And horses. We must have horses.


- Cool. No one can see us in here.


- No. We´re secret cowboys.


- We should kiss.


Ennis shook his head - determined. - Cowboys don´t do that.


- Sure they do. I´ve heard about it on TV.


- I´m not sure. Maybe...maybe we´ll get sick.


- I promise we won´t. Now come here. Do a fishy face and close your eyes.


Ennis sucked his cheeks in but kept his eyes open as the boy neared. He felt strange, his heart hammering in his ribcage, and not sure he should be doing this at all. Just as the boy´s lips were about to touch his the top sheet was ripped away. Ennis pushed the boy away so hard he fell on his back, and squinted up at his dad.


- We´re just playing. Promise!





15 year olds




Fuck! Ennis spotted them outside the entrance to the cafeteria. Too late - they had already seen him. Held his books closer to his chest, squared his shoulders, eyes down on the ground.


- Fattie!


Keep walking. Just a few steps more and he would be safe inside.


- Hey, Fatboy!


Door pulled open, one foot inside


- Heard all fatties take it up the ass cause they are too fat to fuck girls. That true?


Fuck. So close. Just one more step and he’d have been inside, but those shitheads just had to be there...fuck fuck fuck. He turned around, his book cutting into his palm. His nemesis was standing there, wide stance, pimpled face and flushed looking.


- S-s-shut your mouth! Mentally remind himself to breathe, anger clogging his throat.


A cigarette hit the ground, quick steps forward.


- Say that again, Fattie!


Ennis closed his eyes and watched a familiar movie on the inside of them.


One hand around the boy´s neck and lifting him off
the ground, legs dangling and kicking, the boy
screaming and begging Ennis for forgiveness. Loud.
Loud enough for the whole school yard - the whole world - to hear.



Opening his eyes he met the boy´s eyes head on and for a fraction of a second he saw them widen in surprise. Then the cockiness was back and, when Ennis didn´t say anything else, a leer came next.


Defeated, Ennis rushed into the cafeteria, hands aching.





22 year olds




- Hey, think I got a rival.


- What? Ennis leaned closer to Eric, tipping his bar stool, smelling beer and smoke on Eric´s skin.


- A rival! Eric shouted over the loud music, and nodded towards the end of the bar. Ennis followed the movement and sure enough, some guy was looking straight at him through the cigarette smoke that clouded the entire club.


- He´s kind of cute, too. Guess I have to be real nice to you so you won´t leave me for him. Tell you what, I´ll let you pick. I´ll help you out with your paper, or ...I´ll suck your cock. Erik spoke directly into Ennis´s ear, then slipped his tongue inside. Ennis cast another glance and the guy was still watching, eyes wide, mouth open.


- Let´s give him something to watch.





27 year olds




Shit...Ennis unglued his head from a pillow. Tried to make sense of hazy memories. He had definitely been to a bar. Tequilas the size of Texas. Shit. And then somewhere outside and a urine stench. An alley, maybe. And where the fuck was he now? He scooted up, a slimy piece of plastic sticking to his hip, and the backside of someone sticking out from under the throw next to him. Fuck fuck fuck. Sliding off the bed, goosebumps all over his skin, he collected his pants, shirt and sneakers- and as silently as he could, slipped out of the room and the apartment.





32 year olds




"...to be my lawfully wedded husband, secure in the knowledge that you will be my constant friend, my faithful partner in life, and my one..."


- Do you know Lureen´s new boyfriend? He is staring at you. Alma poked his hip.


Ennis turned away from the husband and wife-to-be and glanced over to the pew behind. Some guy was indeed staring at him, a deep crease between heavy eyebrows.


- Maybe it´s you he´s looking at, he mumbled.


- I´ve never met him before today when Lureen introduced him.


Ennis shrugged and raised his arm a little, wishing the ceremony was over; the warm air in the small church was stifling.


Alma pressed a sweaty palm to his.


- How weird. I hope he isn´t some psycho.


He squeezed back.


- Well, even if he is, rest assured that L.D is an even bigger one.





40 year olds




He needed to lie down. And close his eyes. But there was a sound of water and then Ennis was convinced someone was trying to drown him as he felt water splash all over him - over his head, his clothes, his shoes. Then it stopped and he was on a hard floor again, forced to sit up, a voice saying things to him his drunken brain couldn´t take in. Dry cloth against him, around him, back of head against cold tile. His pleas about bed and sleep ignored.


- W-Where am I?


- Bathroom. My place. The voice was male and icy.


- Alma left me, he sniffled.


- So you told me about a million times on the way here.


Ennis tried to focus his gaze on his soaked shoes, then lifted it to see a sink, legs and finally a face.


- I want you to take me home.


- I don´t think so. The man fished out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket. Want one?


He shook his head no and tried to connect the pieces. - You´re Lureen´s ex, aren´t you? I recognise you. You used to come over with her to our house all the time and then one day you were just gone. Just like that. And you were always staring at Alma.


A chuckle. - Trust me, I wasn´t staring at Alma.


- Ape shit!


In a flash the man was on his knees next to him, hands pulling hard on his collar.


- I´m fucking tired of you never really seeing me. Me. Do you see me now? Huh? Fatboy? The hard quality was back. That´s right. Now you remember me, dontcha?


Memories rose round him like the hot steam from the water, evaporating and clinging to his skin.


- And what about this? You remember this?


A hand grasped Ennis around the neck, a tongue tearing into his mouth almost suffocating him. Then the mouth that suddenly had become Ennis´s entire world moved to press against his ear.


- I won´t let you forget me this time. I belong to you.


Catching his breath, Ennis wiped his mouth, his eyes roaming the man´s face.


- Your pimples are gone.


The man chuckled and then sank down next to him, back against the wall, legs stretched out across the floor.


- And you´ve lost weight.


- How long? Ennis whispered and closed his eyes.


- How long what? the man drawled.


- Have you had... a crush on me?


- 31 years and 9 days. And let me tell you - I´m fucking through with waiting.

Their eyes locked and Ennis held out a trembling hand. - D’you mind? I think I could use that smoke now.



The End



Entertainment Weekly listed the 10 best movies of the decade. Brokeback Mountain is listed as #2.

2. Brokeback Mountain (2005)

Everyone called it ''The Gay Cowboy Movie.'' Until they saw it. In the end, Ang Lee's love story wasn't gay or straight, just human.

For the entire list:


This is very entertaining, funny and poignant. If you have a few minutes, watch it.

Hi everyone. I´d like to share pictures from the Brokeback Mountain filming locations I visited a few weeks ago during my vacation to Alberta, Canada.
I was there to meet up with other Brokies for some "drinkin´and talkin´ and all". First I spent a few days on my own, driving forth and back across the prairie and into Glacier National Park in Montana. But this post will mainly be about the week spent with brokies.

Some of you might remember that I visited Alberta last summer, and posted picture of that. Many of those sites I revisited this year, but in this post I´ll focus on those locations that was new to me this year. If you´re interested in the pictures from last year, they can be found on my LJ under the tag "finding brokeback" in the menu to the left.

First out...The Twist House.
Located in Beiseker, an old german settlement northeast of Calgary. The former driveway from the main road to this since long abandoned house is no more. The house is easy to miss from the road since the garden have grown so much it hides the house from one´s view. It´s incredibly worn-down and also seems to have been the target of vandalism. Both the roof and floor have started to give away.

and take a look at what it looks like now
This is the place they shot Jack´s death scene as Ennis imagines it. East of Calgary.

Where Alma and Ennis are wedded. Located in the almost non-existent town of Dinton, south of Calgary. The church was closed when I arrived and the windows was of the kind that you can´t see through. The "inside"shot of this church I have (see below) was taken through the oval shaped window in the main door (you can spot it in the screencap below). It was high up though so was jumping up and down to get the shot!

The bar that Ennis goes to after Alma, after almost 20 years, finally confronts him about his "fishing trips"
Located in Blackie, Alberta. Another very small town and during my 20 minutes visit here, I didn´t see another living being.

The bar is the house to the right. Looking closely, you can spot the blue door in the screencap.

"Signal, Wyoming". The iconic intersection where we for the first time see Ennis. It was filmed in Carseland, Alberta. A long way from Wyoming.

Filmed in Carseland was also the brief shot of Ennis and Jack walking to the bar after their initial meeting. So what we have first is Ennis jumping down from the truck (shot in Carseland) then we see him meeting Jack outside of the trailer (a scene shot in Cowley, 200 km away), then we see Ennis and Jack walk to the bar (and we´re back in Carseland!) The magic of filmmaking. I have whole new found appreciation for the folks responsible for continuity during a filming!

and her´s the bar that Ennis and Jack visit
Located in Carseland

I knocked on the door cause I was curious to what the bar looked like inside, but no luck.

I posted pictures from Rockyford last year, but this year I visited during the town´s annual rodeo. Rockyfords 52:nd rodeo. Yeehaaaw!  So I thought I´d post some pictures from that.
In the movie, it´s here where Jack meets Lureen during rodeo. This was a very´...pleasant way to spend a day; sitting in the sun, sipping on a diet coke, cowboys everywhere..dirty and sweaty...

Woho! A cowboy in action

Fittingly; I also visited where Ennis and Alma got divorced. This is treally he old city hall of Fort Macleod. Very easy to get access to; just ask at the front desk.

There are many "Brokeback Mountain" in the movie. One mountain that played the roll is Mount Loretta
From the movie...

And this is what it looked like, a late Wednesday afternoon in July...

Perhaps my favorite day was the day four of us hiked up to Moose Mountain. It was quite the hike, but we had perfect weather (sunny but not too hot) and no wind. This is a remote area, beautiful and oh so quiet.

ok...you want proof of how nerdy I can be? Take a look at the picture below with Ennis on his horse. See two bigger rocks a little distance in front of the horse on the slope? Look at the picture of me standing there. See the rocks, do you? Cool, huh??

There have been many brokies up on Moose Mountain before us. Someone had build a cairn here. People had scratched their names into the stones and someone had even placed a gold ring engraved "Brokeback Mountain" under it.

Another area we visited was Morley where several "sheep scenes" were shot.
This is where Ennis and Jack "pick up" and "drop off" the sheep

and the Oscar goes to...

and now the grand finale....

...not. Seebe, where the cliff scene was shot, is no longer accessible. This is how close you can get. Which really isn´t very close at all.

Here are some other Brokeback related stuff. In Cowley (the movie´s "Signal") a local store owner still has in his possession the back of a production crew fold up chair.

While eating in "Johnnys Restaurant" in Fort Macleod, I spotted this on the wall. Randy Quaid with "Johnny" himself and a thank you note. According to the waitress he was "a very, very nice man".

To top it off; here are some miscellaneous pics from the trip!


24th-Aug-2009 08:04 pm - Meet Me on The Mountain

Hi there brokiefriends!
Have you all heard "Meet Me on the Mountain" by Shawn Kirchner? If not, I recomend that you listen.
It´s inspired by Brokeback Mountain so listen carefully to the words.

It´s not new, but I hadn´t heard it until someone played it to me during a brokeback roundup three weeks ago. But it might be old news to you.
They played it to me in a car while driving and I started to cry. I hate crying in public, but I wasn´t prepared for how fitting the words would be.

Take care everyone

Here is also a live version of the song (the sound is better in the first clip), performed before a crowd of Brokies in San Francisco. Shawn Kirchner also talks about his reaction to watching Brokeback Mountain.



26th-Jun-2009 11:02 am - Michael Jackson remembered
Michael Jackson was THE superstar during my childhood. I grew up during the 80´s and back then Michael Jackson was huge. The first music video I ever saw was "Thriller" (and it scared the shit out of me) and the first CD I ever bought was "Off the Wall".
As a kid I tried to imitate his dance moves, the moonwalk especially. I glided around in my socks, trying to look as cool as him.

His music and dance style has influenced a whole generation.

A live version of Smooth Criminal - from the History Tour in Gothenburg 1997. I was in the audience...somewhere.

11th-Jun-2009 09:38 pm - The what now?

This was originally posted by

rightwhere_u_r  but I had to re-post it because I can´t wrap my head around it...

did you guys know that there actually is fan fiction - slash fan fiction written about this pairing??






it will be worth it...promise....

Yes. The Transformers

What...I mean..how exactly...what goes where and how...what....I mean...
Does this make some kind of sense to anyone?
Is it for people with a metal fetishism? Or? What?

Take a minute and think about it.

7th-Jun-2009 02:52 pm - Where I´d like to live
I have just found the place where I would like to live. Browsing the Finding Brokeback site, I found these two pics of Annie Proulx´s former home outside Centennial, WY. She wrote most of Brokeback Mountain here.

I don´t often see spots where I can picture myself live, but this place speaks to me. It´d be a sweet life.

31st-May-2009 10:25 pm - BBM/Heath related pics
A couple of weeks ago I drove around in Pennsylvania. Among other things I visited a couple of BBM-fan fic related places.

For those of you that are familiar with Victopet´s story "In Plain Sight" I present...

Remember; in the story, Amish Ennis lives in Intercourse?
I didn´t have time to spend a lot of time here, but it was a very cosy little town.

And for those of you that are familiar with Testa_Dura´s story "Where the Allegheny Meets the Monongahela" I present...

This is the spot where the two rivers meet in Pittsburgh and become Ohio River. Beautiful spot.

I spent the first five days of the trip in New York, where I met up with other brokies. Here are a few pics from those days.

A Brokie sweater

Heath´s business venture; Five Leaves, Brooklyn


More from Five Leaves





I visited twice and both times I ordered the Five Leaves Burger with truffel fries. Yummy.

Broome Street



That´s it, folks. Thanks for watching.
26th-May-2009 08:04 pm - California will uphold Proposition 8
California will uphold Proposition 8

I only have one comment:

4th-Apr-2009 02:42 pm - Happy Birthday Heath Ledger
Bought these today. I don´t think I have to explain


I haven´t posted here for a while. Have been too damn busy but now things are calming down a bit. It´s about time I get my life back. A friend of mine won a trip to LA for two, and she very graciously asked me to come with. So I´m flying to LA in about ten days. They got us booked at freaking Hilton hotel! Talking about feeling out of place. I won´t even open the door to that minibar, let me tell you (since I bet even just opening that would cost more than I make in a year). But of course I´m thrilled about the trip. I have rented a car for the four days we´ll be there and we plan to drive around LA (I´m thinking; Santa Monica, Malibu, Topanga State Park, Mullholland Drive, Sunset. If anyone has any other suggestions I´d love to hear them) and to drive down to the Joshua Tree National Park for a little desert adventure. With this trip and the trip to the Brokie round-up in New York, this spring is looking pretty good right about now. Something I feel a deserve after this long, hard winter.

Well, time to go for a walk and enjoy the spring that finally, finally, has come.
22nd-Feb-2009 02:30 pm - Travelplans...etc...etc....
OK, a new year is hear and so I have new plans for traveling!

Where to, you might wonder, my industrious friends....

the answer is: the final frontier!

Otherwise known as Photobucket

I think it´s the whole financial crisis that makes me want to go away and hide for a while...hence Alaska.

I´ve done a shitload of research and from all the sites I´ve visited I´ve arrived at the following conclusions:

1. Bears are dangerous if you put a sandwich next to your bed while you sleep

+ Photobucket = Not a good combo (unless the sandwich really is bigger than the bear in real life as I then could use it to protect myself with)

2. Alaska is far, far away (look - so far away it almost didn´t get to be on the map)

3. You can see Russia from Alaska

What more do I need to know?

oh, and apparently I need to have an initiary, so here goes

The only thing I knew from the start was that I didn´t want to fly to Alaska (too easy) Therefor I´m gonna spend some time in that little country called Canada first. And I can´t go to Canada without doing something Brokeback related, can I? My plan is to rent a car for only a day or two and go back to some of the places I visited last summer, preferably Cowley and Fort MacLeod.

And then the whole Alaska adventure starts with me catching a greyhound buss to Prince Rupert from Calgary...hop on a ferry to Skagway....buss to Whitehorse....pick up a rental car...drive into Alaska...do a loop....back to Whitehorse...drop the car off...get on a greyhound buss and go back to Calgary

Should be a piece of cake, right?

21st-Jan-2009 09:38 pm - 1 year
Tomorrow, Thursday marks the first anniversary of Heath Ledger´s death. There´s not much that I can say about it that haven´t been said before.

It´s strange how you can miss someone you didn´t know, but I miss the idea of Heath and what he has come to represent to me; creativity, passion and above all; integrity. He seems to have been full of all three.

It´s hard to believe that he is indeed gone forever. Death really makes one really feel the meaning of the word "forever", doesn´t it?

What a strange year 2008 was. I spent my time writing and reading about two men that never existed and mourning a third that I never knew.

But fact is, I miss Heath Ledger. And I miss what could have been.

There´s really nothing more I can say, besides that I hope that this Thursday finds you all out there alive and well.



I´ve got an American friend who I´ve heard complain about the town he lives in, so my suggestion is that he instead immigrates and comes to live here in Askersund, Sweden. Of course I don´t expect him to do that without a good reason.  After going for a stroll through beautiful Askersund today, armed with my camera, I now got 6 good reasons why Henry, or anyone else for that matter, should want to live here.

You would want to live in Askersund because...

...we got free outdoor swimmingpools. Open all year round!

...we have the world´s most shiny Christmas decorations. This is our own Rockefeller Plaza tree. Only more shiny.

...the town is simply buzzing with life this time of the year

...the cheap gas!

...the rumor that Swedish men are tall, blond and beautiful is all true

(Look Henry, a little geezer! Fuck I hope I got it right this time *lol*)

...this is what downtown Askersund looks like at night


(hugs to Henry)
30th-Nov-2008 06:42 pm - Different types of luxury

I´ve just been to the story here where I live - a small-ish town in Sweden - something that I often do quite late in the evenings when I feel the need to pamper myself.

Distance to store: 100 meters.

I picked up a banana from Brasil, a red kiwi from Japan and a chinese pear from China.

Price: 1.5 Euros or 2 dollars.

I know that the food prices are high and all right now, but what a luxury it is to be able to walk 100 meters and pick up fruits from all over the world. It´s quite amazing when you think about it. And total luxury.

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